Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
