i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
