How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize