I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
