Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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