I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I didn't notice because vodka
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
