pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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