What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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