I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
