Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
