I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
