fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
