So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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