I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I feel like abortions should bother me more
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
