Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
