Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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