i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
The beer is more important than you right now.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Randomize
