he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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