Got a toothbrush?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
