I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
