the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Dear god my vagina.
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