just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
