just tell him i said nine months
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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