i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
