i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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