Tell her she can't have a vagina
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
