even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
