i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
