So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
