I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
