He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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