wrigley field is MILF paradise
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
