That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
so let's talk penis.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
