Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
