Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
