did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
