3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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