Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
