In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
