So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
