I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
