I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
