what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
