I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
