oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
