Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
My dick has a subreddit
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
