In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
even my farts smell like vagina
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize