Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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