i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I think a kid would responsible me up
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
