A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
