Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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