I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
