my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
