I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
