PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
