No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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