So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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