it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
