My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
