I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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