he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Randomize
