Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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