Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
