I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
