A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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