I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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