I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
So squirting runs in the family.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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