I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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