I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
