Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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