Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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