I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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