I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
